I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
