matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's the barista slut.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
