My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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