in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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