What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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