I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
