I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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