So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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