The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize