Fuck appropriateness.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
