yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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