I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
