I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
