Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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