i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night