i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets