Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling