You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long