he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
