I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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