john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
