Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
