What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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