i don't like sucking hair
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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