Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize