Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
