when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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