so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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