I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
