You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
