So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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