He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
