his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
