Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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