Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
should my penis look like a turkey
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
