When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
