Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I believe in your delicious
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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