He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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