My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
