Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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