you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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