Duck Duck Cougar?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
