It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"