brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"