I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.