Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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