Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
