So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
