She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
