just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I know her cup size but not her name....
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