So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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