We're facebook friends in real life
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
