WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
