Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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