Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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