that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
