woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
