Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
