My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
