he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize