There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
