the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
