it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
