VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
